Yup...makes me uncomfortable all right..

Day 3 of the the Challenge is "things that make you uncomfortable."....

While posting here lately I haven't been very serious, maybe it's time I switch gears alitle bit...

Since my mother died, the thing that makes me most uncomfortable is being around her side of the family during holidays, parties, graduations...etc. Don't get me wrong, I love most of my family, but at the same time, its just me, my brother is away at the moment, and you couldn't pay him to hang out with them anyways, and my parents are divorced, so here I am..like "hey, its ashley...i'm feelin lonely, I don't have any family stories". Basically, I'm weird, and shy, and even though i've known these people my whole life, it doesn't make certain situations any easier.

My family is very well known in this area, they started a mill here in town, most of my family have went to private and very expensive schools, and then went off to UGA, Georgia Tech or some other college that I would never pay to go to (although if I had to pick....goooooooo dawgs!!!)

I will be 28 at the end of this month, I am not married, I do not have kids, I did not finish college and my life is pretty much as unstable as you can be without all those things. I do have a wonderful job that I am very thankful for, working for a Judge in this court system, but am I living up to my goals and aspirations? Hell to the no, lol because i'm lazy, and indifferent, and have no clue where I want to be in five years..much less twenty.

So anways...getting back to the subject at hand, I miss my mother, and being in the family social setting is not easy for me. They look to me for updates on my brother and at times estranged father, and it seems that they are judging me on the inside, waiting to watch my life crash before their eyes. I certainly love them, but I have been very tired the past few years trying to gain their respect and make sure that I meet their standards of how I should live my life, according to family status. Yes, hello...I am one of the black sheep in my family. Now, I feel like I am rambling, but I think you all get the point, whoever is reading this, and maybe someone can understand where i'm coming from, then again im sure some are thinking, suck it up, you still got family! This is where I chuckle softly and think...you try handling my family, they are just as crazy and uptight as most "southern families".....